Aed jokes
What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.
What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."
One day you see a girl climb a pole and ask her, "Why are you climbing that pole?" "Because a boy paid me to." "He did that to see your underwear." "Oh. Ok."
The next day you see her do the same thing. "Why are you doing the same thing?" "Well, I got him this time. I did not wear underwear."
A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell?
Because it’s a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.
What do you call a retreat in war?
A backup plan.
What road goes all the way to the sky? A highway.
What’s the best part about having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
9/11 wasn’t a terrorist attack, it was the world’s introduction to Sky Football
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.
I never knew how to use a boomerang, until it hit me.
What do you call a stalker stalking himself? A narcissist.
What’s the difference between a hoe and a rooster?
A rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo," and a hoe says, "Any cock will do."
Why did the tornado take a break?
Because it ran out of wind! 😂
Where does Spider-Man keep his pictures?
On a website.
What did the two paintings say after a long battle?
Let's call this one a draw.
What is the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani primary school?
I don't know... I just fly the drone.
Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan? Because it doesn't have a home button.
What is a pig’s 🐷 favorite pie 🥧?
Mississippi Mud.
What's the difference between a snow woman and snow man?
Snowballs.
Two nuts were chasing each other. One said to the other, "I'm-a cashew!"