Aed jokes
Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.
Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.
I said, "a smile."
They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.
My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.
Going to school is mandatory in this country.
Can you guess my plan?
My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.
Now, my wrists look like a tiger.
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.
My husband told me he just came into a lot of money.
Weird, he usually uses a sock.
A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.
What do you call a transgender person? Nintendo Switch.
My son was thrown out of school for letting a schoolgirl wank him off.
"That's the third school this year..." I said to my son, "... Maybe teaching isn't for you."
An American bully goes up to an English kid and says, "You're ugly!"
And the English kid says, "Well, wanna know why you can't play Jenga?"
"Why?" says the bully.
"Because you haven't got a tower."
What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.
I was reading a book about an immortal cat the other day; it was impossible to put down.
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
Why do dwarfs laugh when they run a race? Because the grass tickles their balls.
A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.
The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"
The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"
The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
How do you tell the difference between a Palestinian elementary school and a terrorist training camp?
Answer... I don't know, I just fly the drone.
Trying to make a baby talk is like trying to negotiate with North Korea.
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.