Aed jokes
Make sense of what I am saying, This is a LIE—and that's the TRUTH.
What am I?
Answer: a Riddle.
A cow went into a pride of lions' territory.
Since that moment, he knew his life was on the stake.
What do you call a spice with a PHD?
Dr. Pepper
What is a cup called when they show a ton of emotions?
Answer: Expresso! (KILL MEH)
Q. What do you give a sick lemon?
A. Lemon-aid.
Knock knock. Who's there? A boy. A boy who? A boy who can't reach the doorbell knocking at your door.
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
When does a doctor get mad?
When he runs out of patients!
What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...
Two men are walking down the street and see a dog licking its balls. One man says, "I wish I could do that." The other one says, "You can probably just pet him."
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.
Why do dwarfs laugh when they run a race? Because the grass tickles their balls.
A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.
The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"
The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"
The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
How do you tell the difference between a Palestinian elementary school and a terrorist training camp?
Answer... I don't know, I just fly the drone.
Trying to make a baby talk is like trying to negotiate with North Korea.
Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"