Aed jokes

I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.

They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.

Why do dwarfs laugh when they run a race? Because the grass tickles their balls.

A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.

The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"

The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"

The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."

Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.

She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."

Trying to make a baby talk is like trying to negotiate with North Korea.

Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.

My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!

I ran into a dwarf and he said: "Well, I’m not Happy."

Then which one are you?

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.

Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉

So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."

My boss had the heart of a child.

In a jar. On his desk.

How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2

-Harpoon it.

Hot women with big boobs work at Hooters, but where does a handicap woman work?

IHOP.

How to get quick cash:

Step 1: Kill a child's parents.

Step 2: Do foster care for them.

Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.

Two skeleton brothers are talking.

1st bro: "Hey, get up! You and do some exercise! You are so heavy, you weigh a ton!"

2nd bro: "A skele-TON :)"

I was going to make a chemistry joke. But it looks like I won’t get a reaction :)

Damn, bitch, you got a big ass for a head!

When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.

But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)

An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.

*A few minutes later*

son: There.

mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?

son: Dad showed me before he died.

mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*