Aed jokes
I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
I recently learned that it's politically incorrect to talk about taking part in a school shooting.
Apparently the term "school photos" is more acceptable.
What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.
What’s a 9/11 victim’s least favorite song?
Drowning Pool - Bodies.
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
I think my family is racist.
I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.
My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."
All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.
A fat person with autism is a bit like decent sunscreen... A broad spectrum.
How do you stop a woman from choking?
Back up an inch.
How much semen can a gay man hold? A buttload.
A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something good.
How do you know if a Black woman is pregnant?
Stick a chicken wing up there.
What happens if a cookie turns emo?
It becomes a cookie cutter.
A kid in a wheelchair got hurt yesterday. I got detention yesterday because I told him to walk it off.
I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.
Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.
I said, "a smile."
They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.
My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.
Going to school is mandatory in this country.
Can you guess my plan?
Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?
Because it's a battlefield.