Aed jokes
All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.
What’s a kid with Down syndrome's favorite candy... Grunts.
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
Are you a pirate? Because I have a lot of seamen waiting for you 😉
If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?
A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
Why did the autistic ice cream run away from the party?
She had a meltdown.
People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't hit a home run.
What is a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Five Guys.
In honor of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as other establishments, are introducing the Jackson dog. It's a 50 year old sausage between two 7 year old buns, with everything on it.
Q: Why was the tower of Pisa leaning?
A: Because it has better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.
He had a change of race tho when he died.
Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?
Because it's a battlefield.
Q: What do you call a black prostitute in space?
A: The Blackhole.
What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?
Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.
Please welcome Mozart's The Magic Flute...
In A minor.
If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?
The brakes, you sick bastard.
I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room, where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that I saw Pristiano Penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon.
I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.
"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.