Aed jokes

A cow went into a pride of lions' territory.

Since that moment, he knew his life was on the stake.

What is a cup called when they show a ton of emotions?

Answer: Expresso! (KILL MEH)

Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"

What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...

Knock knock. Who's there? A boy. A boy who? A boy who can't reach the doorbell knocking at your door.

Q. What do you give a sick lemon?

A. Lemon-aid.

I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.

"Have you taken a bath?"

"No. Why, did one go missing?"

Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.

I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!

What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?

Speed humps.

A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"

The bartender replied: "A shotgun."

I have a pen, I have an Apple, um, Apple pen.

The Taliban had a plane, the US had a building boom, 9/11.

Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.

What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes?

Sneakers.

So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.

You know why emos get excited playing Minecraft? They see a creeper.

Question: Why did the blonde get excited after finishing a puzzle in 5 months?

Answer: The box said 3-5 years!

What did the short Chinese man say when he was called a dwarf? "Da fok yu sai tu meee."