Aed jokes
If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.
I went to the orphans to paint a picture of their parents so they can actually talk to them.
Yeah, so why can't a blind woman drive?
Exactly, cuz she's a woman.
What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?
"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."
I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.
I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.
Replace the v in Venus with a p.
My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.
I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.
Yo' mama is so stupid, she couldn't find a needle in a haystack.
I would never slap a woman, then I’d be destroying property.
What do you call a mom that can’t draw? Tracy.
Organise my brother's bucks party and got confused when he asked for a hot 22 year old for I brought him 20 two yr Olds....
Good thing my brother's a little bit different.
How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They wait for it to turn itself in.
What is the difference between an orphan and a snake?
A snake has a home to go to underground.
What's the difference between an orphan's life and a knife?
A knife has a point.
What did the priest say to the other priest during baptism?
"We better clean our sex toys before we play with them."
A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to go to the movies.
Mom: SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND CLEAN MY ROOM! YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE!
Why did the orphan go to the woods? To take a *what*?
Why did the Orphan punch the other orphan?
Because the orphan broke his leg then had to get a retirement fund, so then he farted and got 1m dollars in cash, so then he started eating his toe jam and thought it tasted really good, so he started selling it to Taco Bell, then ate a cow. All the sudden he was attacked by hangry aliens then gave them some toe jam. They loved it, so they farted there way back up to space where they were eating Harold's fresh toe jam. It was so good, then one of the aliens ate there dog, so had to go the dollar tree to get it out then started gagging on one of the aliens' 2 meter defeater, and then the Orphan made out with the other Orphan and had a wedding at playground sharting happily ever after.
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button!