Aed jokes
Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?
A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.
Give a blind kid a torch and tell him it's a hairdryer.
The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.
What's an astronaut's favorite candy? A Milky Way!
Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself.
Everyone else in the minefield...
I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.
Why'd the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.
(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”
A: The chicken.
I was watching my son play at the park, and a lady asked me, "Which one is yours?" And for fun, I said, "I don't know, I'm still choosing."
What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?
They can't reach 30.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!
How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes, and multiplies with the whole classroom.
Apparently, rock bottom has a basement.... :\
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).
What was Frankenstein's second job? -- He was a bodybuilder.
What do you call a smart blonde?
Nonexistent.
What's a pirate's favorite shop?
Arrrrrrrrgos.
What do you call a passport for Mandalorians?
A Pre Visa!
If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.
What’s another name for a woman giving birth?
Unloading the dishwasher.
When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....