Aed jokes
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.
Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.
I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - In case he got a hole in one.
How do orphans have a family reunion?
They use a Ouija board.
A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"
Q: Why did the chef get fired?
A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!
A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"
Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”
Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.
She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"
Why shouldn’t you play basketball with a pig?
Because he’s a ball hog.
One day I came to my mom and said, "MOM!!! I can make a butterfly!"
Mom: "No you can't..."
Me: *throws butter out the window* Me: "Look I made a butterfly!"
lol this isn't funny but I hope you liked it.
What do a coin and an Irish man have in common?
They're both fun to flip off.
What do you call a private nun?
Nun-o-yo-business.
What did the cake say to the fork?
"Do you want a piece of me!!!"
What kind of car does Yoda drive? A Toyoda.
What's the difference between light and hard?
It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.