Aed jokes
"Pootin is a pussy won't even fight in the war that he started!"
"Pootin is a pussy and Ukraine is beating Russia's ass!"
What do you call a un-funny rock?
A normal rock.
Have you ever heard of a dream that that that that the universe was a fake machine?
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
Me: Knock, knock.
Teacher: Who is there?
Me: Boo.
Teacher: Boo who?
Me: Stop being a crybaby and open the door!
Teacher: ......
Me: Aw man, detention again.
"Go frick a cow!"
"I already fricked your mother."
Roses are red, I am very cool, You, on the other hand, Need to drown yourself in a pool.
Vape company: Hey, want some lung cancer and a nicotine addiction?
Teens: NO WAY!
Vape company: But it’s mango flavored!
Teens: O OK. 😤
How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.
And Sterling has taken a dive.
That's all for financial news, back to the football.
What was going through the head of a 9/11 victim on the 88th floor?
The 89th floor.
Today sucked. My friend fell off a cliff, and I went to jail.
Mississippi is a long word. How do you spell it?
What do you call an IT teacher that touches his students?
A PDF file.
Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"
The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"
What do you call a cold Explain bear?
A brrr.
What does a terrorist do when they see a twin?
They fly a plane at them.
What do you call an orphan? Homeless.
What's an orphan's worst favorite movie? Home Alone.
Why can't homeless people find a home? Because they're orphans.
Your mom walked into a bar and broke all the furniture.
What's the difference between a Russian potato and a U.S. potato?
The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.