Aed jokes

My uncle and I have somewhat of an awkward relationship. At times I find him a bit hard to swallow.

All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.

I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.

My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"

"I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing that privilege."

Little Johnny walked into his house. He heard a banging sound from up above and decided to investigate. He opened the door to his parents' room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.

While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.

Yo mama so ugly when her parents had a gender reveal party the balloon came out green.

I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!

What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?

Special forces.

Btw, I'm 13.

What is a cannibal's favorite food?

Crackers.

An orphan girl wanted a family so she was raped until pregnant. Problem solved.

What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.

Yo mama so fat that when she crossed the road, people mistook her for a roundabout.

I was gonna tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.

What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.

Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.

“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.

The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”

Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.

The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.

“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.

“Does your dick touch your asshole?”

“No.”

The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.

“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.

“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”

“Yep.”

“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”

An American and an Asian walk into a bar. What are your names? the bartender asks. The American says, "William Matthews." The Asian says, "Same Ting."

Name something you practiced kissing on as a kid.

Sister. SWEET HOME ALABAMA!

I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" The man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon."