Aed jokes
"Float like a butternut, sting like a bee."
As a kid, I used to eat a sour herb from a certain spot near a rock.
Now I pee on it, just following the ritual of Africa.
My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death. I clearly asked for Jammy Dodgers and got Bourbons!
Hanuman is a monkey.
My gardener found a dead body. Of the old gardener!
Don't y'all just hate when something funny to you happens and then you just have to be quiet so you don't look like a villain?
What was the name of a Roman guide?
Guide Gius.
A guy is at his locker, and a girl comes and says, "Hey, I love you."
He says, "Okay, cool." She then replies and says, "Well, what do you think about our love?" He says, "Count the stars."
Then she says, "Oh, infinity!" and he replies with, "Nope, it's just a waste of time."
If a walnut is a nut on the wall, then what is a peanut?
What’s a green cucumber?
A carrot.
I will remember my brother's last words: if you can't put a fork in a toaster, how about a spoon?
How's George Floyd doing these days? Being drug-free for a year, he must be feeling pretty swell.
What do you call a group of Indians that eat curry all the time?
The Munch Bunch.
What cigarettes does Churchill's wife like to smoke?
A blue Winston.
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A family portrait........
You might say I'm mean but what are they gonna do..... tell their parents?
Wait..........
There’s this girl who gets bullied for being in a wheelchair.
Why don’t she stand up for herself?
What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?
Push 'em.
This account is run by a peadophile.
What wiggles and waggles?
A floppy dick!
My sister: See you at home in about an hour.
Me: Okay.
My sister: Sister, where are you? *She looks out the window.*
Me: Sis, I'm here, can't you see me?
Sister: OMG, she's dead!
Me: Yeah, I know, but can't you see me?