Aed jokes
If Stephen Hawking had a FIFA card, he would have 99 dribbling.
How can you light up a candle in a ship which does not contain any instrument and you are alone with just a packet of candles?
Answer: Just throw one candle in the sea; the boat will become lighter.
What do you call a homeless orphan?
Homo-less.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Steve!"
"Steve who?"
Steve cries, aware that his grandmother's Alzheimer's has reached a point where she can no longer remember him.
Once, I ate a skunk. It was hard because I didn't get it down the whole way.
Q: What did Jesus say when he got nailed to the cross?
A: Owwww!!!!!
What is a big animal 🦓? A bat 🦇!
I lent my sister my bed. The next morning, she told me it worked like a dream.
I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"
My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.
What is a home that can fly?
A magic house!
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
My mom told me that she and the owner of a Chinese restaurant made a deal. Now we get free Chinese food. So I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food? Then my mom said, "I love him long time."
What's the difference between a mole and a priest?
One will till your 13 to put hairs on your face.
Why don’t you have a pet cheetah?
There cheetah you.
Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"
One day Jack and Jill went up a hill. Jack got Jill drunk and horny, then took her to a hotel because Jack wanted to suck and lick her candy stick.
Want to hear an abortion joke, or any joke for that matter? You have that option, and you can thank your mother for that.
But that's a question that will never be heard by an aborted unborn baby, whose only option was death. And that's no joke.
God- make a grumpy old man president.
Angel- why?
G- cause I said so-name him Trump.
A- okay.
G- make him not pay taxes.
A- okay...
Fast forward to 2020
G- you know that grumpy old man?
A- yea...
G- make him create a deadly virus named after a beer.
A- Krona.
G- exactly.
A- why do you hate humans so much?
G- because I can.
If I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn because they are Beautiful, Majestic, Sparkly, Bright, Gods. They create Joy and Happiness everywhere they go.
Unicorns made my life better when I got to know them more. ^-^ They filled my life with more Happiness. I believe in the Unicorns, and they'll believe in me. I am not a Unicorn, although I am the Princess of the Unicorn Land, but if I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn! :P