Aed jokes
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull in a children's play area.
I used to work at a candlestick factory, but only on the wickends! It was illuminating!
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowgirl?
Snowballs.
I like wine how I like my woman.
4 year old locked in a basement.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile... That's a big word for a 1st grader.
Your friend took a shower and used Pantene, but I got a watermelon to keep me clean.
One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.
What's the difference between the microphone and Bambi?
One is a Welsh idea, the other's a well shy deer.
What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?
"Now sashimi, now you don't!"
What did a comedian say at a show full of blind people?
"What's up?"
One day, this dad and his son went to a basketball factory, and the son said, "I want to buy some balls." The dad said, "What for?" The son said, "So you can have some balls."
God better hope they got an elevator to Heaven.
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said,
"Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls, please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight!"
She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow.
And he said "yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts!"
A blind old guy asked me if I had any money to spare. I laughed and said I had a gold tooth.
I don't have any now.
What was the last thing that went through JFK's mind? A bullet.
Why does the sun get a lot of girls? Because it's hot.
Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.
Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.
I smell ice a mile. Titanic, I want to iceberg.
He's homeless.
Another: Oh he must be A "Sheer" (as in Andrew Scheer) survivor...
The other: No, he's a Liberal (as in Justin Trudeau) job hopeful.