Aed jokes

What's a saying you shouldn't tell an epileptic?

Seize your moment.

Smoking a fag in Britain: 🚬

Smoking a fag in America: hate crime.

Ahmed is a bomber for the Twin Towers.

Your hairline looks like something that came off the bottom of a Reese's cup.

When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"

When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'

What do you call a person that [proudly] knows only one language? A bloody seppo.

What do you call a person that speaks five languages? A Euro waiter.

Shout out to the terrorists, your year is starting off with a bang!

I went to a gun shop yesterday. Everything was half off. I didn't know that back to school sales have begun.

What does a British cannibal's favorite meal?

Fish and chaps.

When Leicester City won the league in 2015/16, do you think there was a little lad in Africa running around with "Drinkwater" on his back, annoying the hell out of the locals?

I'd make a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy. I know y'all have too thick of a crust to get it!

Why do police never put an orphan in prison? It's too much like a home.

I was going to listen to a funny comment about abortion, but her joke was crap.

I would make a joke about short people, but they probably couldn't hear it.

What do you call a notorious special needs student with an extra chromosome?

The double trouble.

Yo hairline so ugly, when you go to school you fall on a line.

My wife is so fat! When she goes swimming, she leaves a ring around the lake.

My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."