Aed jokes

My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."

Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.

There was a kid sitting in a corner.

Me: "Hey! Why are you here at an orphanage?"

Orphan: "..."

Me: "Oh, wait, you're an orphan."

If Stephen Hawking was a boxer, he would roll with the punches.

I'll tell you a good joke. Stephen Hawking went for a walk.

What did Stephen Hawking say when he rode a bike?

"Hey look...no hands...or legs!"

Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?

Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.

What does a pizza and a Mexican have in common?

One can feed a family.

What do you get when you cross a pig with a cactus? A porkupine!

What 16 stoner rode a Derby winner?

Lester Piggott's.

Yo mama so fat, when she got ran over, the van did a 360 flip to Mars!

Roberto: Judd, your DNA looks like the infinite symbol.

Judd: Roberto, your DNA looks like a pasta noodle.

Your mom is so fat, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

You can slap, punch, knock out an orphan, what will they do? They don't have parents!

Alright class, the person who answers my next question gets to go home.

Then a guy throws a pencil. The teacher asks, "Who threw that pencil?" "I did, I get to go home."

What do you call Scooby Doo with a blunt in his mouth? Scooby Dooby.

Why did the judge dismiss court when the orphan walked in?

Even a gay prison wouldn't want him.

What happens to Stephen Hawking when he logs in to his account on Google when it says, "I am not a robot?"

What do you call a dipshit?

A Charlie.

What's the difference between a God and my mom?

My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."