Aed jokes

I saw a small kid crying, so I asked him, "Where's your mom?" but he started crying, so I left the funeral. 🙂🙂

It's the Olympics.

Q) Why did the man decide not to run in his race? A) Because of Olympiad.

Me: What did my sister do when she dressed up as Elsa and I gave her a balloon?

You: What?

Me: She let it go, let it go!

An orphan walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand, "Hey, bum, bum, bum, got a family?"

Say _______ is so flat that when someone hit them, they got a paper cut!

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

'Cause 7 8 9.

But why did 7 eat 9?

'Cause you need 3 square meals a day :D

Q: Why didn't the Oak tree win the election?

A: He didn't get the votes he was oaking for, because he was not the popular vote.

So I got my brother a jumping castle for his birthday. That bitch cried in his wheelchair.

Are you a horse, because I want to ride you?

Are you Pikachu? Cause I want to take a "pik" at you.

I fucked a wall.

A dog found a bone. Then he was walking happily across the street, and he saw a bridge. He decided to walk on the bridge. He saw his reflection and thought it was another dog. Then he barked at him, and the bone fell in the river. The dog said, "What a fool I have been," and walked away.

I don't care if I got beat the first day you were born. Your momma asked for a receipt!

My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.

So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.

What do you call a Scottish Muslim with drug problems?

(Said in a Scottish accent) "Amaffmaheed."

A sister went to her brother's room and says,

"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"

"Yes, sis."

"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)

"My pet snake."

"Can I pet it?"

"Yes."

He wakes up in a hospital.

"What happened?"

"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."

"You dummy!"

"Whaaat?"

What can a duck eat for a snack? Saltine quackers!

What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.

Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!

Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.

Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.

There's like a weird after taste though.

Kinda like a sparkling water one.

I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.

What did Helen Keller say when she jumped off a bridge? "(sign language)"