Aed jokes
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
The Make-A-Wish Foundation has gone too far. All of the Make-A-Wish kids asked for cancer to be gone, so they just gave the cancer to all of the Make-A-Wish kids.
What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?
A Sandy Hook.
Q: Why did the Queer get fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
One day a Chief was talking to his son... "Son," the father said, "Long ago the Woman didn't have anybody to take her to BINGO. So, the Creator put the Woman to sleep and cut off her butt cheeks and made her a Man. That's why today Indian Women have no butt, and the Men are called Buttheads!"
Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?
He fingered a minor.
What do you call a swearing piece of shit?
Cus-turd.
I am having a shit and there[sic] nothing else to read.
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: The 9/11 victims. They went through 20 stories in seconds.
What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?
"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."
Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."
How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
A handicapped person and an orphan get into a fight. The orphan says, "At least I have two functional legs." The handicapped person says, "At least I have two functional parents."
My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"
What hates men but would have no life without men?
A triggered feminist.
My sister told me words don't hurt her, so I chucked a dictionary at her.
People, when your lover cheats on you, do this!
1. Start a conversation. 2. Say, "What's that smell?" 3. They will smell around. 4. Say, "OMG, it's a b****," and walk away and ignore them.
What do you call a lesbian on a bike?
A dyke...
What moans about women but wouldn't exist without them? A triggered menimist.