Aed jokes

Every time I come in the kitchen, my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food, like the fried chicken, the mashed potatoes, the collard greens, mac and cheese, and the cornbread.

Then I said I wanna eat some of that shit. I love soul food. Then I told her, "You keep it up; your fat ass is going to be big like the house on Haunted Hill."

A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.

The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"

He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.

Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"

My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.

She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!

You're so ugly that when you came out of the haunted house, you had a job offer.

Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."

Yo mama's so fat, she used a telephone pole as a tampon.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.

What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.

You're the bunny, and I'm the Rottweiler.

A sheep, a snake, and a drum fell off of a cliff.

Baa- Dum- Tsss!

What do you call a blind author?

A Braille writer.

1: My grandpa died last year.

2: What kind of cancer?

1: He was hit by a bus! It's called bus cancer.

Highest level of insult by a girl by seeing a guy's dick:

"I can shit bigger logs than that thing of your's" 🤣

Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.

What do you call a cutta with ginger hair?

Flinn Taylor.

I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow, but when I woke up, my pillow was gone!

How do you know a gay guy has been in your house?

There are speedos in the microwave.

Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?

A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.

So a mushroom walks in a bar and the waiter says, "You can't be here."

And the mushroom says, "Why? I'm a fungi!"

A child asks his father, "How do you get pink eye?"

Son, I was told it’s from scratching your butt, then rubbing your eyes.

Then the son asks, "How did I get Fungi?" As the father was about to answer, the boy says, "Ohh, so is it from scratching my stinky feet, then rubbing my eye?" ———-Fungeye

A 60 year old man said his wife called him a paedophile the other day, strong words for a 6 year old.