Aed jokes
Man, I’m so sorry that Stephen Hawking is dead; he was such a good person.
Too bad it’s a staircase to Heaven and not a ramp.
When do you go on red and stop at green?
A watermelon.
What did one plane say to the other?
"It’s been a long day, I’m ready to crash."
Other plane: "No you’re not, we haven’t even gotten high yet!"
I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.
I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.
I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."
So a man asked another man, "What's your name?"
He says, "What's it to ya?"
So the guy asked again, "And he says what's it to ya?"
Come to find out his name was What's It To Ya.
A blind man walked into me at a store. I said, "Watch it, bitch!" and he said, "Sorry, I didn't see you there."
So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"
The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"
Why was the egg naughty? Because he wanted a good cracking!
What was the winning play at the leper football game?
A hand off up the middle.
Q: Where did Sally go on her bike? A: Nowhere.
Seven days without a pun makes one weak.
Why is the day you do laundry, cook, clean, iron, and so on called a day off?
One day, I sit in the lounge on a chair.
What does a Tusken Raider eat after his meal?
Some desert!
If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.
What's tall, has a twin, and is in Manhattan?
Nothing, Bin Laden destroyed them all.
What do you call a soda can’s dad? Pop!
I can tell you an airplane joke, but it will probably fly over your head.
What do pigs and ink have in common?
They both go in a pen.