Aed jokes

I have a better version of this joke.

How to make a plumber cry: Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.

I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.

So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.

What do you call a lanky yellow man with abnormally large ears? Zac! Hahahahahahahahahahah

What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?

Stopping it with a pitchfork.

Why can't orphans play video games?

Because they don't have a home screen.

If you think about it, the 9/11 memorial is literally just a scoreboard.

What do you do if a woman is choking? Pull out a few inches.

I asked an orphan where his parents were.

(God, I wish I knew)

This is true. Today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said, "Need money for strippers and weed."

A B C deez nuts!

One thing led to another, now I have a new patio.

I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.

One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

She asked me, "What are you doing?"

I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."

She asked, "What does that mean?"

I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

I wish I was at a Western bar; then I would get shot.

Yo mama so fat that she had to wear a yellow jacket and everyone shouted, "Taxi!"

Me: I hit an orphan!

Mom: OMG WHY?

Me: Not like they can tell their parents-

What do you call it when a prostitute pays someone 5 bucks to fuck them?

5 dollar footlongs.

Your hairline is in a different area code.

My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.

I bet when 2 cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one says, "You're such a cheetah!" Then they laugh and go and eat a zebra or whatever.