Aed jokes
America: I'm going to build a wall.
Nazi: Been there.
Soviet Union: Done that.
Americans are so fat that they named an atom bomb "Fat Man" to describe themselves.
One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
I was voting for Trump in the 2016 election. It's been a while since the last presidential assassination...
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck 'em.
Once a cheetah, always a cheetah.
If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.
Astrophysics fact: If you count every star on a Saturday night, you're autistic.
Yo mama so fat when she laid on a water bed, she laid on the whole Pacific Ocean.
What’s the worst part of being a pedophile?
Getting the blood out of your clown suit.
What's a suicidal person's favorite drink?
The depressay expressay.
Just kidding, bleach!
"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."
What's the same with a controller and a woman?
They both work if you hit them.
Where does a Muslim like to go and eat?
Allah's snackbar!
Are you a bullet? Because you go straight through my head.
Dude, has anyone made a joke about small foreheads? Oh wait... they would be nonexistent.
"Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs," said Suzie, looking out of the kitchen window.
"I know," said her mother, "I've just stepped in a poodle!"
What's yellow all over and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
I met a really greedy oyster. It was quite shellfish.