Aed jokes
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
What plate do you need to eat in a car? A license plate!
Me and my friends were having a party the other day when some bitch came bitching about the noise. Thankfully, she was hot and had a nice ass, so it was enjoyable raping her.
The next day when I woke up, I found her body only half eaten. Her lower body was still intact, so I went for seconds to fuck off the hangover. Then I had breakfast. Her ass tasted good with some ketchup.
B: Can you please stop roasting me?
A: At least the "roasting" that I did to you didn't burn you to death.
I asked a kid where their parents were...
Lol
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
A peanut and another peanut walk into a bar.
One was a salted peanut.
What's black and grey and red all over?
A dead r******.
Yo mama's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
Joe Mama so fat, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl!
I'd give you a nasty look, but you've already got one.
"It looks like she went into Claire’s Boutique, fell on a sale rack, and said, ‘I’ll take it!’" — Bianca Del Rio, RuPaul’s Drag Race
What do you call someone with a big butt?
The Thightanic!
"What’s your name?"
"Am erica."
"No, I asked for your name, not your country."
What do you call a protest that gets crowded?
Human trafficking.
You're so fat, you have more chins than a fat Chinese with heaps of chins!
What is the one kind of work orphans don’t know? Homework.