Aed jokes

Are you an abstract manifestation of my childhood traumas and recent memories combined? 'Cause damn, you look like you came out of a dream!

My wife told me to pass her lip stick, but I gave her a glue stick. Now she is not talking to me.

Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her titties, I got a mouth full of knee.

Your momma's so fat, she had to take a selfie using the Hubble telescope.

What will you call Burj Khalifa after 100 years?

"Bujurg" Khalifa. (Just a joke)

I wanted to play Fruit Ninja, but remembered I don’t have a phone. Guess I gotta draw fruit on my arm!

Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"

Don't y'all just hate when something funny to you happens and then you just have to be quiet so you don't look like a villain?

A B C D E F G H I see a bitch in front of me.

I'm about to tell a dwarf joke, see how short that was.

Okay, long story fast, I walked to GameStop in my house, in the kitchen, by Walmart, to a BTS Squid Game concert, and Drake and Pablo were there for her labor in the Cowboys stadium by Nike, so I bought a pencil from a dead alive man. He said "ZOO WEE MAMA." So yeah.

What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.

I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.

My jokes are like your dad, you only see them for a few days.

5 Cobra Kai Facts:

1: Johnny = Daniel

2: Miguel > Robby

3: Miyagi Do = Eagle Fang

4: Chozen and Daniel > Kreese and Silver

5: Tory is actually a good person.

This is how to die soft 101.

Yo bro, you good? You need a hug?

The emo kid tried to give me a handshake. Sadly, I left him hanging.

FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.

So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...

An orphan goes to a family restaurant with her doll.

"I'm sorry but you can't be here," said the man. "This is a family restaurant." The orphan said, "This is my family," then pointed to her doll.

My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."