Aed jokes
Can emos eat a happy meal, or is it a depressed meal?
I asked an emo, "Do they get jealous when their phone dies?"
Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.
Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.
He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.
What do you call an animal flouting?
Super bird!
What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?
A family photo.
I was at a farm in France called ‘Uber eats Farmer league’, then I saw a strange creature called ‘Pessi’. He only appears against farmers.
He ran towards to me, I didn’t know what I should do so I decided to shout “Big games! Big games!“ Pessi scurried away.
The cycle of Pionel Pessi:
- Ghosting👻
- Diving🐬
- Complaining to teammates😡
- Complaining to refs🤬
- Missing sitters🤦♂️
- Gets a lucky open net tapin⚽️
- Proceed to get 🐐 shouts
- Repeat🔁
People with REAL ball knowledge know he’s just an overrated tapin merchant 😭
Why doesn't the orphan's phone have a homepage, being it doesn't have a home?
I asked my mom what her biggest regret was for a project at school, and she said, "Oh, go look in the bathroom above the sink..." There was a mirror.
So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.
Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."
Why don't pirates take a bath before walking the plank?
'Cause they just wash up onshore.
What kind of tree can you High-Five?
A palm tree.
A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.
What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?
They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
I saw a kid crying and asked him where his parents were. He started crying harder.
The ungrateful brat. I see why he is an orphan.
If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.
If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.
Johnny, Johnny?
Yes, Papa.
Eating sugar?
Yes, Papa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach, and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you’re mad at me for eating a little sugar.
Smoking? Telling lies?
Yes, Papa, you do all of those things because you’re a chronic addict.
What did the weed say before he got on the escalator?
A project where people get lined up to be changed.