Aed jokes
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
What plate do you need to eat in a car? A license plate!
Me and my friends were having a party the other day when some bitch came bitching about the noise. Thankfully, she was hot and had a nice ass, so it was enjoyable raping her.
The next day when I woke up, I found her body only half eaten. Her lower body was still intact, so I went for seconds to fuck off the hangover. Then I had breakfast. Her ass tasted good with some ketchup.
B: Can you please stop roasting me?
A: At least the "roasting" that I did to you didn't burn you to death.
I asked a kid where their parents were...
Lol
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
A peanut and another peanut walk into a bar.
One was a salted peanut.
What's black and grey and red all over?
A dead r******.
Yo mama's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
Joe Mama so fat, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl!
I'd give you a nasty look, but you've already got one.
"It looks like she went into Claire’s Boutique, fell on a sale rack, and said, ‘I’ll take it!’" — Bianca Del Rio, RuPaul’s Drag Race
What do you call someone with a big butt?
The Thightanic!
What do you call a protest that gets crowded?
Human trafficking.
You're so fat, you have more chins than a fat Chinese with heaps of chins!
Bo: Hey kids, I am so sad that you won’t exercise and give me Bo power, so I am just going to be an orphan.
Kids changing the channel to Annie.
Annie: Tomorrow, tomorrow, only a day away.
TV changing the channel back to Bo On The Go.
Dezzy: WAAAAAAAAAA, I can’t find Bo!
Mrs. Kadie, I just heard about a FGTEEV video about vegan nuggets.
Duddy: Sup FGTEEVERS, me and James Marsden just got some Chick-fil-A.
Viewers: Got ya again Mrs. Kadie.
Mrs. Kadie: Vincent and James, I am going to push you off your roof.
Duddy and James: AHHHHHHH!
What do you call a Mexican who can’t find the bar?
Barlos.
What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?
The prisoner.