Aed jokes
If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming "parkour," it's a failed stunt.
I screamed "Jenga" today in class while watching a 9/11 documentary.
When you're having a normal day at school, but then...
"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"
I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.
I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.
What's white, yellow and goes 40 mph?
A train driver's egg sandwich.
I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.
My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!
My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.
In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.
It's not a mistake, it's a ✨ masterpiece ✨.
What do you call an orphan selfie?
A family photo.
Q: What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war?
A: Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving; you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
What do emos and a bird nest have in common?
They both hang from a tree.
If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?
Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
What do Myspace and my dad have in common?
I haven't seen them in a while.
Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.
"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.
"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"
What will make a depressed teenager happy?
A cliff.
We have a teacher in school. His name is Haybrock, but he is gay, so we call him Gaybrock.