Aed jokes

I asked my mother about her mom.

She said she was in a better place. After that, I asked her where that place is. She didn't know, so I sent her to a better place.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding only half a worm.

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.

Did you hear about the midget who was beaten to death playing volleyball at a nudist colony?

I got the newest Call of Duty game! I got a 200 kill streak, then I went home and played COD.

If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

I screamed "Jenga" today in class while watching a 9/11 documentary.

When you're having a normal day at school, but then...

"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"

I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.

I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.

What's white, yellow and goes 40 mph?

A train driver's egg sandwich.

I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.

My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!

My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.

In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.

It's not a mistake, it's a ✨ masterpiece ✨.

What do you call an orphan selfie?

A family photo.

Q: What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war?

A: Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving; you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

What do emos and a bird nest have in common?

They both hang from a tree.

If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?

Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.