Aed jokes

What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?

Are you ready, kids?🤣

Yo mama is so fat, when she was a spy, she was called "double obese."

New Gen iPhones are designed for orphans, because they don’t need a home button.

I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.

What’s the worst thing about being a pedophile?

Fitting it in.

How did Michael Jackson die?

Because he danced like a zombie!

What was Helen Keller's favorite game when she was a kid?

I spy.

All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.

The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"

The man said, "My wife does!"

My ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's going to be hanging tonight.

Hairline got cut by a broken teacup.

What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?

"It will be over soon."

What's the only good part of your crush dying before you have the chance to bang her?

She can't say no!

The Mexican landscaper came to cut our lawn. My mom was happy then asked him, "Can I have some of your burrito?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Whatever."

A few minutes later, my mom told me to cut the lawn. I said, "Why do I have to do it? That's what he's there for." My mom said, "He's going to do the burrito for me." Then I said, "Okay." I finished cutting the lawn and went in the house. I see my mom giving the landscaper a blow job. I said to my mom, "What are you doing?" My mom said, "What does it look like? I'm having my burrito." The landscaper told me that I missed a spot while cutting the lawn.

One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."

The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."

What is the difference between an orphan and a bandit?

One's wanted.

I saw a robbery at the Apple store.

Am I an iWitness?

Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"

The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"

So I walk into a bar, and there’s people waiting in line to punch me in the face.

That’s the punch line.

So, I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company.

Everyone is mad, but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.

I'm sorry and I apologize mean the same thing, except at a funeral.