Aed jokes
"Go big or go home," that’s what some people say.
"Go loud and proud," that’s what other people say.
"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that’s what I say.
Your mom is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.
It's a good thing I'm married.
All zodiac signs have a signature hairstyle except for cancer. :)
Bully: "Hey little Timmy, you look like an ugly rat."
Timmy: "Well, at least I'm a good chef and I'm in a movie, unlike you."
Bully: Dies from embarrassment. 😱
"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."
"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"
"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."
When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye.
But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses it...
That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.
Your forehead goes back to when Burger King was Burger Prince.
Q: What do you call two nuns watching television?
A: Not very interesting.
A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"
And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"
Q: What do you call a duck that's sad?
A: Idk, but it's acting really duckpressed.
Person: What's your perfect date look like?
Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.
Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.
If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."
What do me and Monster cans have in common? A barcode.
Yo mama so fat that every time she takes a swim, the Arctic sinks by a mile!
My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.
I’ll be hanging with them for a while.
What’s the difference between a normal kid and an Emo?
When you feel an Emo's arm, there’s lots of texture! Feels great, too!
I got jealous when my phone dies.