Aed jokes

What do you tell a suicidal person when they complain about their problems to you?

Just hang in there, man.

🇻🇪 Finally, I am a trillionaire. Now I can buy bread.

A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.

So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."

I used to be a man in a woman’s body. And then I was born.

Yesterday I was in a wind storm.

Today my ears hurt. I guess the wind was ear-itating.

Are you a fire alarm because you're loud and annoying?

Kid on Xbox: I'm not a virgin. Ask your sister.

Bully on Xbox: I don't have a sister, dumbass.

Kid on Xbox: You will in 9 months.

What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?

Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.

You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.

Why are washers better than babies?

Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.

Guess why a lot of orphans were in "Home Alone"? Because their family left them.

Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?

Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.

Why did the Roman not eat BBQ chicken?

Because he "wasn't a veggatarian."

Roses are red, violets are blue, my heart is dead, I'm such a fool. -Juice Wrld

My crush: "I cut 4 inches off my hair yesterday." Me: "So?" My crush: "4 inches is a lot!" Me: "Oh yeah?"

Orphans are just wannabe children. They want a family.

What do you call 2 Indians on a dating website? Connect the dots.

What do u call a person called zaid? Zait and za3tar. lol

I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!