Aed jokes
I went to a girl and I said, "DEEZ NUTS!"
What does a pirate say to the president?? Spread your legs so I can get my treasure back.
I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."
Q. What is Terri Schiavo's favorite Eminem song?
A. "Till I Collapse."
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I saw a monkey yesterday, and thought it was you.
Why do orphans suck at homework?
Because they don’t have a home.
Doctor: Congratulations!!!
Woman: Was it a successful delivery?
Doctor: No, it’s DiGiorno!
Dog.
What do you call a house that isn't a house?
Not a house.
Yo momma so fat, I asked her to save me a seat, so she sat down and she saved 10, and one by one the legs started popping off.
Yo mama so fat, when she got ran over, the van did a 360 flip to Mars!
Q: Why was the pilot sad?
A: 'Cause he was bad at playing Jenga. 💀
What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?
One of them has someone to mourn them.
One day an orphan went to jail, and a big dude went behind him and said, "I want you." The orphan said, "Finally!"
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: I don't know why.
Man: Because they have a family plan.
Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.
What's another nickname for a flat emo?
A copping boars.
(insert funny joke about a dick here).
Did you laugh? Be honest.
What's the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage :|
How do astronauts have a party?
They planet.
A kindergarten teacher was telling a story...
A kindergarten teacher was telling a story about a farmer walking around the farm talking to the animals. She was trying to get the kids to interact, speak up, and to use their imaginations.
"Mister Farmer stopped at the cow, and the cow said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Susie, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Susie says "He said 'Good morning Mrs. Cow!'"
"Mister Farmer stopped at the pig next, and the pig said 'Good morning, Mister Farmer!'. Johnny, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Johnny says "He said 'Good morning Mr. Pig!'"
"Mister Farmer stopped at the chicken, and the Chicken said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Billy, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Billy says "The farmer said 'Holy shit, that chicken is fucking talking!'"