Aed jokes
My friend asked, "What's that on your arm?" I replied, "Oh, this? I didn't have enough storage on my phone to download Fruit Ninja so I had to improvise a little bit."
A vampire goes to the bakery.
Vampire: "One bun, please."
Baker: "But you're a vampire, don't you need blood?"
Vampire: "Yes, there is an accident outside and I need something to dip."
A pastor asked his child what his favorite bible verse was... He responded, "Keep watch," because he wanted a watch.
Why do orphans not like 1st-5th grade teachers?
Because they have a home room.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
Chuck Norris once said that he didn't like the plane he was riding in. Out of sadness, the plane committed suicide. How, you ask? Ask the Twin Towers.
As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.
Well, a lock and a key were going on vacation, but the key said, "Help me, I'm stuck!" and then the lock said, "I think I am in lock-shary."
What’s the difference between Geico and a wife?
Geico saves you more.
What’s the difference between a life and a nuclear bomb?
I don’t have a life.
I would tell you a time travel joke, but you did not like it.
What is worse than a baby spinning at a hundred miles per hour on a washing line?
Hitting it off with a cricket bat.
Q: Why can't science be combined with religion?
A: 'Cause science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them.
One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.
What's a child abuser's favorite song?
"Just Beat It!"
When your gf tells you to treat her like a queen,
and then you remember you’re French.
I saw a fat girl with a 'Guess' t-shirt, so I said, "286lb."
A: What is Technoblade's favorite zodiac sign?
Q: Cancer.
What is an Emo's favorite way to Cosplay?
Dress up as a piñata!
What do you call a bacon from Chernobyl?
Technoblade!