Aed jokes
How do you get a discount off groceries?
Scan the emo kid's wrists.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair going through a fire? Ghost Rider.
What do you call a black person with a gun? Black ops.
My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.
(Again, credits to my really funny friend)
Uranus is a cow, You may be wondering, how?
Uranus farts methane, And cows do the same.
What's the cool thing about bringing a pack of gum or a shotgun to school?
When you pull one out everybody wants to be your friend. :)
I swear every time I walk past a guy, they stare at my ass. I always keep wondering why it hurts so much.
So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.
What do people ask on a Friday night?
"Hey, wanna go to the Barb?"
What does Joyce do on a Saturday night?
Netflix and Will? Will? WILL!? WIIIILLLL?
What award does the Demogorgon get? A Emmygorgon.
What does Finn Wolfhard do when he makes a good joke?
He drops the Mike.
What do the Twin Towers and school have in common?
People jumped off a building to escape it.
One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."
His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."
Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"
I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.
He couldn't stand a chance.
The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.
Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Kili, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"
Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.
So I became a teacher in a school for disabled children.
A kid wanted to ask me a question, so I told him to stand while he address me. 💀
The sexy towers are just like my sexy toes because when I crashed a plane into the tower, it burned and bled.
I’m going back to the house to get some stuff for my dad, and then I’m going to have a car and a birthday party come up for the weekend at the end of the week. I was going to get my birthday cake for the day.
I was doing a magic show. I tried to make a bunny disappear, but it didn’t work.
I walked outside in shame. I looked up and realised the towers had disappeared!!!!