Aed jokes
The parentless child stood as her orphanage was blown up by a kamikaze I had rented.
How do you make an emo mad at you?
Cut the rope.
What's the difference between a retard and a normal person?
A normal person is not named Josh Wakling.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"
Why are friends a lot like snow?
If you pee on them, they disappear.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”
I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!
Who comes when an orphan gets married? They are allowed back in family restaurants, but when I go in alone, I'm not allowed. I have some parents, for God's sake!
Why can the orphan only buy 1 ice cream cone?
He can't afford a family pack.
I hope you get raped by a chimp in the forest
Two Asian people have a black baby.
Something wrong.
She needs a flat surface cleaner.
What do you call a cowboy with Down syndrome? A whipped potato.
I've been drinking from a tall cup.
His teeth look like Twin Towers, Al-Qaeda blown him up.
You and your sister always get into a fight and she says, "I don't care." Then you say right away, "About you!"
What's a building's first crush? A plane.
I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........
Why do people play soccer?
Because people need to kick harder to win a parent.
Fruit punch sounds like the name of a gay boxer.