Aed jokes
What is a dirty minded Harry Potter fan's favorite spell before the deed? Dickus Embigus!
Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of her.
Once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad, so his dad said yes. Then he asked, "What is that?" and his dad said it's a chow chow train.
The next day, he wanted to shower with his mom, so she said yes. He asked again, "What is that?" and she said it was a tunnel with light.
The same day, he wanted to sleep with them, and they said yes.
In the middle of the night, he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in.
When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.
Me watching a World War 2 documentary.
What do you call a white bucket?
A pail.
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
Are you a gun because I want to live with you?
Me: "The villain has a point, you know."
Everyone else watching the WW2 documentary:
I would make a joke, but it won't be as explosive as the others.
What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla?
At least gorillas don't abort their own.
How do you stop a MeToo feminazi from telling the world about being raped? Easy: just rape her mouth shut.
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test.
There's a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
What is the difference between an emo kid and a cutting board?
Osama's aim was horrible. One of his angry birds missed and hit a field in Pennsylvania.
Your hairline is so bad that you have a humongous forehead.
How is a beer can and an Indian the same? You can find them both smashed on the side of the road!
How do you name a Chinese kid?
Throw a frying pan on their head, "Ching Chong!"
Why did the transgender man only eat salad?
Because he was a "her" before.
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.