Aed jokes

Why can't the USA and England play chess?

USA has no towers and England has no queen.

What do you call a person in a wheelchair?

Anything they can't catch you.

I would tell you a joke about meat, but the stakes are too high.

What is the difference between a Walking Dead and you? He doesn't feel pain.

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.

So there was a reason why I hated math.

I suck at problem-solving.

Teacher: "Hey, James, this is the third time I asked you a question!"

James: "But you told me not to answer you back!"

Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?

Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.

A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "I’m an orphan, your honor."

Sans: What do you have there?

Frisk: A KNIFE!

Sans: NOO!!!

If you get offended, leave. How did you even find this website, just to make people feel bad?? No.

You are seriously the stupid one here. Also this is not a joke, but the people that do this are.

The umpire and the catcher were having a conversation. The runner slid into home, “I slid into this conversation.”

When you know you have a gay friend, but you find out that they like you!

A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.

So, a mom and a dad are having sex. Their daughter comes down and says, "Mommy, Mommy, what are you doing?"

The mom goes, "Uh, we're making a cake. Let's go back to bed." So she tucks her daughter in and says, "We will go to the park tomorrow."

So the next day they go to the park, and two teens are going at it in some bushes, and the little girl goes, "Mommy, Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

So they go home, and the mom tucked her into bed and says, "Tomorrow we will go to the zoo." And so the next day they go to the zoo, and two monkeys are going at it, and the girl goes, "Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

And so they go home, and the girl goes, "Mommy, did you and Daddy make a cake last night?" And the mom nervously says, "N-no, why?" And the little girl goes, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."

We were versing year 8 at footy, and they were mostly black, so I told my white friend to WATCH OUT!!!

There is a country in Africa. It's called Djibouti. It has a crack in it!

Your mom is so fat that if she sits on top of a gas station, she will lower the prices.

I saw an orphan on the road. I asked him if he's an orphan. The kid says, "Yeah, what gave it away?"

I say, "Your parents."

Your mom is so ugly she made a blind kid cry.