Aed jokes
I have been charged, because I roasted a kid at a barbeque.
Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.
Stephen Hawking doesn’t have a dick; he has a microchip.
Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!
What do you call a hippo that lays eggs? A eggoppotimos.
Why were the mushrooms the cool guy at the party? Because he was a fungi.
Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.
Mom: Witherspoon.
Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!
What's flat chested and emo? A cutting board.
Replace the v in Venus with a p.
Follow me.
I heard a noise, so I'm dead.
I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.
Brinnia so fat when she stepped on a scale, it said, "I need a bigger one."
Q: What's an orphan's favorite game?
A: The Sims 4, because then they can simulate having a family.
Germany does a backflip. America: What is happening?
France: Want a baguette?
USSR: Help!
Your hairline goes so far back, your forehead got a six pack.
I got a new Lego airplane set from my friend... oddly, there were also two towers included in the box as well.
Someone should start a vaping company with the slogan: "Vapes that hit harder than your dad." Sales would skyrocket.
Get a calculator.
Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.
What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?
Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite instrument? A small skin flute.