Aed jokes
90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.
I tried to search stuff about 9/11 for a research project, but it didn’t work... I guess the site crashed.
Can I pin your corpse to a tree?
What is an orphan's favorite toy?
Answer: A boomerang, because it is the only thing that comes back to them.
What do you call a disabled Arab?
Artoo-Detoo (R2-D2).
What’s the difference between a pornstar covered in slime and The White Stripes?
One has "Icky Thump," and the other does "icky hump."
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
What do orphans and TVs have in common?
At least one of them has a home.
Q: What did the Buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
A: Bison.
What am I gonna do on the 5th anniversary of the Parkland shooting?
Shoot a load in you just like I shot those kids ;)
Bin Laden's relatives died in a plane crash on 8/1! #justice
If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!
What's the difference between a car and a car?
I have absolutely no idea, sorry.
I only have a few friends, like if you relate.
Based on a true story.
You're so poor that you can't pay for a public school.
I don’t know why I’m in jail. So, basically, I was at a gun range, and we were supposed to hit the targets, even though I hit it.
Time really freezes when you're stuck on a sinking ship.
For my birthday on September 11th this year, I just want a plane, but delicious, chocolate cake.
What do you call a fat Chinese person that talks way too much? Panda Express.
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.