Aed jokes
What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?
Pigs in a blanket.
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, then they got plane.
I saw a man. I saw another man. And I saw another. Where am I? Comment below.
Q: Why are medication pills white?
A: Because they work.
Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
Q: What do you call a black prostitute in space?
A: The Blackhole.
What is another name for 9/11?
A forbidden game of Jenga.
What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower?
Unemployed.
Why should you never give an orphan a phone?
Because they wouldn't be able to find the home button.
Q: What is a lesbian's version of a cock block?
A: A beaver dam.
Hey, you there, were you raised on a chicken farm? 'Cause you really know how to raise a cock!
Hey Siri, where is my dad?
Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
HAH, jokes on you! My dad’s in the kitchen!
Your mom’s husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
...WhAT-
If a man says you’re ugly, he likes you.
If a woman says you’re ugly, she’s just jealous.
If a child says you’re ugly, well, you’re ugly.
Which one would be better to fuck, a fat bitch or a skinny bitch?
How do I fix a broken light bulb? I don't. I simply blow up the house.
Q: What did the porn actress say when she opened the door?
A: Make sure to come upstairs!
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
What do my mom and a basketball have in common?
My mom's tits and ass are bouncy, just like a basketball.