Aed jokes
Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?
Batman: A dick.
Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
What does a French guy say when he falls off?
Oh no, Eiffel!
What do you call a man with no arms or legs being pulled by a boat?
Skip.
You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
They don’t want to be mistaken for a feminist.
How do Americans learn the metric system?
9mm at a time. The problem is sometimes it goes straight through their heads.
Where does a suicide bomber go when he dies?
Everywhere.
Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
New business idea: let's put a KFC in Africa and a watermelon shop.
What’s the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.
What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?
The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.
I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.
I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.
Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushion.
I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.
Which school supply is king of the classroom? A ruler.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school? Hisssssstory.
I’ve always been a bit insecure about having thicker thighs.
Now I realize it allows me to fit more scars!