Aed jokes
Used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask...
Yet here I am, stuck at home in this COVID-19 "Thriller," beating it...
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"
How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"
How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
You look like your mom and your dad had a child.
Yo mama is such a slut, she could get slapped by a pack of hot dogs and get pregnant.
Once a man goes to a restaurant. Then, he was waiting until the waitress comes and tells him that they don't have food.
He was grumpy, but the waitress make him relaxing by unbuttoning her pants and undressing her panties and uncovering clothes from her pussy until everything get striped, then she say to him: "Good meal."
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,
So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"
Why can't there be a gay disabled person?
Because a fruit can't be the same as a vegetable.
Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?
A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.
Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock.
He finally got up there, but a bird stole his co-.
You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...
What do you call a woman covered in mud? A dirty dishwasher.
Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."
The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"
I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"
My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."
She died in a fire.
What has 4 wheels, no wings, and flies?
A dead cripple.
I beat up a failed musician until he started crying.
I thought a few hits would cheer him up!
This lady has 2 parrots that only say one thing: "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?"
So she goes and tells her pastor. He responds with, "I have two parrots as well, they are always praying, and they have everything that a parrot needs to be a Christian. Maybe if we put our parrots together, mine will fix yours."
They proceed to do so, and the lady's parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?" and the pastor's parrots reply with "Johnny, drop your beads and lift your heads, our prayers have been answered!"