Aed jokes
How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?
What's the similarity between a pepperoni pizza and Freddy Krueger?
They both have red circles on their bodies.
Q: What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?
A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.
My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness.
I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.
Why do white people own a lot of pets?
Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
A pedophile was holding a bag of chocolates and then approached a little girl at the park.
"Hey little girl! If you give me a teeny-tiny kissy-kiss on the tip of my wee-wee, I'll give you a piece of my chocolate!"
The little girl replies, "If I suck your whole cock, can I have the whole bag?"
I parked in a disabled space today...
...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”
A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.
"New around here?" said the bartender.
"Nah, been here a while," said the robot.
Bartender "You can talk?"
Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."
Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"
Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"
The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.
The robot seems to be just like a normal human.
"Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.
"The top minds in the world," said the robot.
The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."
Bartender, "What?"
"Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"
NEWS: A man kidnapped a 13-year-old girl.
MOM OF GIRL: The man had a shady face and a receding hairline.
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."
My boss told me I have a preoccupation with vengeance... We'll see about that!
Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.
I wrote a book called "Endless Love."
It’s about a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Hellen Keller.