Aed jokes
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
What is Jesus' favorite gun?
A nail gun.
What's a Mexican's favorite video game?
Borderlands.
What's simultaneously up and down?
A retard on a plane.
How do you tell if a loaf of bread has Down Syndrome?
It has an extra crumb-osome.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
What's a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country.
A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.
What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?
A pap smear.
What is a vegetarian's favorite song?
No beef.
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"
Why was the computer late to work?
Because it had a hard drive!
What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.
What's a ghost's favorite drink?
Ghoul-aid!
Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.
Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.
What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?
Pokémon!