Aed jokes
I was asked to give a bicycle joke, but I couldn't...
I was two tired.
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin mobile.
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?"
"No, ... hurdles."
I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."
I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"
What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
A priest, a rapist, a pedophile, and a homosexual walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
Why do pedophiles never win a race?
Because they are always coming in a little behind.
What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?
I feel like a kid again.
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
Cha Ching.
What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?
McBongald's.
My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats? -- A pimp.
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
What sound does a 747 make when it bounces?
Boeing boeing boeing.
A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
If Chuck Norris was a Spartan in the movie 300, the movie would be called 1.