Aed jokes
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.
If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?
A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!
Wanna hear a dry joke? A desert.
What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.
I lost my job at a research facility. The people were too chill for me.
Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.
The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."
I tried writing with a dull pencil the other day, but there was no point.
Was gonna make a gay joke but fuck... Cum on guys.
If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.
What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
Robetoe.
Chuck Norris lit a campfire, and humans saw the sun for the first time.
How do you confuse a blonde? Put it in a circle and tell it to sit in the corner.
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day.
Give a man a poison fish, feed him for a lifetime.
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Chuck Norris and Superman had a bet. The loser had to wear their underwear on their pants.