Aed jokes
Leave a like down below if you think Stephen Hawking should stand for the National Anthem.
How do kill a redneck?
Wait until he is fucking his sister and take the brakes off his house.
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies, "For you? No charge!"
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~
Yo mama is so poor, she asked a homeless guy for money.
Yo momma so stupid that someone said, "You're not that wealthy," and she went to a doctor.
A man goes to a restaurant and asks for some chili.
The waiter said, "Sorry sir, this is an Asian restaurant."
So he stretches his eyes and says, "Oh herro, can I get some chiri?"
Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.
Yo mama so short, she wakes up every day in a brick house singing “Everything is Awesome”.
What's black and white and red all over?
A massacre at a funeral.
Why can’t Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?
Because there wasn’t a ramp.
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.
What do you say to a pig with no nose? You have n'ought a snout!
Why was it cold in Stephen Hawking's house?
Because he had a new window open...
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.
Guys, I guess with all these storms there was a power cut in his house.
What does a clock do when he's still hungry?
He goes back "four" seconds!
Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but bigger ones need a crane.