Aed jokes

A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"

So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”

I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.

Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?

Because he is always talking about his honey.

Why couldn't Bob hang himself?

Because he had no arms to tie a knot. :'-)

What is your true crush?

A soda crush.

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.

When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.

Then it clicked.

"Ah, so that's how you died."

Friend: How dark is your humor?

Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.

What do you call a short student?

A Ravin.

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

What do you call a bullet head?

JFK.

Hey, did you hear about the cat revolution? It was a cat-astrophy! I guess we just have to stay PAWSitive!

Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?

A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.

What do you call it when you see Chinese people in a gang?

The "Ching Chang Gang."

Why do orphans never play baseball?

'Cause they can never get a home run.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

What did the shark say after he ate the clownfish?

"This taste a little funny."

Q: Why did the Queer get fired from the sperm bank?

A: He got caught drinking on the job.

So a woman walked into a bar. There was a man. She went up to him and said, "You're cute." He said, "Yeah, and you don't deserve equal rights."