Aed jokes
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.
So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."
I told my mother I'm a sexy cunt. She said, "No, you got cancer, you twat."
Why didn’t the construction worker build a bridge?
He was scared to get across.
Did you know that, statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile? Not me though, not me though; I live next door to a lil 10 year old boy with a FAT ASS yenno what I'm sayin'???
How do you get 50 babies into a car?
You blend them.
I was at the store during a storm one time. I guess you could say it was story.
Don’t worry if you have a stroke.
You’ll be all right.
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic.
Damn, DIN just went over me and I'm trying to figure out what it is. A camel's dick.
Babies can spread a nasty smell,
especially when you haven't fed them for a month.
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
Where did the cake sleep on the stove?
In a pan.
Why couldn't the skeleton go to the prom? Because he had no BODY to go with...
I could have said a skeleTON more jokes, but I think that might break your funny bone.
Why did the pervert sing "Gucci Gang"?
Because a woman just gave him a lil pump.
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.
What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.
What's the difference between Chaplin and a politician in a wheelchair?
Chaplin does stand-up comedy, and the politician does sit-down... comedy.
Q: What's 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth?
A: Her dead fetus.