Aed jokes
Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"
When you're playing online with your friend, then you hear a kid scream: "No, Dad, please stop!" Scream ends with a gunshot.
What do you call a cow that is really sad? Utterly Depressed. HEHEHEHE
Yo mama is so fat that when she put on a yellow dress, people called her "taxi."
I am a motherfucker.
What do you call a Krispy Kreme Donut combined with a Big Mac from McDonalds?
A Krispy Kreme Mac.
What do you call a gay threesome?
A Sloppy Joe.
What do gay girls order in a bar?
Pussy juice.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades?
They'll end up only throwing the pin.
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".
Why can't a cheetah play hide and seek?
Because he's always spotted.
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week."
They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."
That one person who can never bring a smile to your face...
Until you push them down 3 flights of stairs.
What do you call a vegan cow?
A vegan cow. :/
OR
A regular cow. 🐄🙌
Why were the people in the Twin Towers mad? They wanted a drive-through pepperoni pizza, but got a fly-through plane instead.
What is a cow's favorite water sport?
Ca-MOO-ing!
What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.
Only a genius can say this.
I am stupid.
A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”