Aed jokes

What’s red and cries?

A skinned baby in a bag of salt.

Age is just a number,

Jail is just a room.

I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia.

So I ended up doing the YMCA.

One of the students reported a school shooting.

That fucking snitch...

Why is my dick like a balloon?

The more you blow it, the bigger it gets.

Read this word:

Heroine.

Did you read it like the drug or like a female superhero?

What happens if you sit under a cow?

You get a pat on the head.

What do you call mo on a dating website? Tissue face.

A happy mother: "Why is your sister so quiet?! And how did you get super glue stuck on your penis?!"

What's the difference between Tyler and a rooster? A rooster says, "cock-a-doodle-doo," Tyler says, "any cock will do."

Q: What type of mother gives their daughter sperm? A: A furry mother.

Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.

So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."

There was a kidnapping at school.

Don't worry, he woke up.

What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?

You can't fuck a rock.

My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!

A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"

The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"

Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"

I bought a new shotgun the other day. Want to know what I called it?

Kurt Cobain's microphone.

What's better than throwing dead babes?

Catching them after with a pitchfork.

What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office?

Only one of them is scared.