Aed jokes
I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road? A: It was stapled to the chicken.
Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree? A: Because it was stapled to the koala.
Q: Why did the tree fall over? A: The koala never let go.
Q: Why did the kangaroo die? A: Because the koala landed on it.
What do you do with a broken bird? You re-parrot!
I like trees when they are firmly stuck in a hole. PS, your hole.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and an erection? I don't have a Lamborghini.
Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.
Hey girl, are you osteoporosis, because you're giving me a "bone" condition.
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!
Yo mama is so poor, I saw her kicking a can and I asked her what she was doing and she said moving.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
Pete: Knock, knock...
Paul: Who's there?
Pete: Boo...
Paul: Boo who?
Pete: Don't cry, it was only a joke!
Paul: I'm going to cry! It was such a bad joke!!!
I learned that a strangler was targeting me.
All I could think was, "You’ve got to be choking me!"
I have a fish that can breakdance!
Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
Wanna hear a skeleton joke?
Sorry, I don't have the guts to tell it.
How did a blonde commit suicide?
She jumped from the basement window.
One day whilst walking up a hill, Jack saw a prostitute named Jill. Jill was dressed in kinky, leather gear that made Jack really, really horny.
Jack, who hadn't stuck it in for a few weeks, was keen to ask this sexy young maiden how much she would charge. "1 buck for a suck, 2 buck for a fuck," she said as she stroked his ever-hardening one-eyed snake.
"Yeah, I'll have both of them," said Jack, who was about to cum in his trousers. So Jill led Jack to behind the well, and they sucked and fucked for an hour. After that, they both contracted AIDS and died of it, as they did not see a doctor. THE END
The Virgin Mary wasn't a virgin; she was a prostitute. God raped her.
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
A student was peeking in on a 10/10 chick, and the guy was about to nut.
The school shooter patted his back and told him to leave his corpses alone.
What’s one good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in a school zone.