Aed jokes
So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.
Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"
Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."
What did the cow say to the sheep?
“Moo!”
What did the sheep say to the cow?
“That was a bad joke!”
How do Asian people name their children?
They throw a pan down the stairs.
What would your name be? Msg it to @chelsearosegraham.
I tried a pun about water, but people "sea" right through it, and when people complain, they are usually just being a beach.
So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.
I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.
What do you call a fish with no legs?
Fsh have no legs.
What do you do with legs?
Fsh have no legs.
What do you do with legs?
Break!
I wear a nose on my forehead.
I sat on a chair.
One day, I sit in the lounge on a chair.
God better hope they got an elevator to Heaven.
Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.
Want to hear an inside joke? I walked into a house.
Want to hear an outside joke? I walked out of that house.
What do you call a creepy flower? A Pedel-File!
Cancer is like a video game.
Some people cannot beat it.
I used to date a girl named Ruth, but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.
Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?
A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.
Today; worst day ever.
My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.
I told a cookie a joke the other day.
It just crumbled.
A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.
The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.
What is the skeleton's favorite instrument?
A xylophone.