Aed jokes
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.
What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
A tire.
(A tire as in clothes and the tire? U get it? No? I'm lonely. Add me on Xbox: DECIMUS PAX)
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
If you've been thinking about singing karaoke with a friend, just duet.
I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
What did the knight say to his younger brother? "Good night."
You expected a silly pun there, didn't you? That's pretty rude. It makes light of the struggles of being a knight. Especially a good knight.
Q: What do you call a sad soda?
A: Soda-pressing.
Why didn't Sally get home from work?
She got hit by a bus.
Want to hear a pizza joke?
Never mind, it’s too cheesy.
"Simba is proof cats don’t always land on their feet."
Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.
The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."
I have a bunch of jokes about unemployed people. It's a shame they never work!
This guy goes to the doctor and says, “I think I’m a wigwam, no, I think I’m a teepee, no, I must be a wigwam, no, a teepee.”
The doctor tells him, “I think I understand your problem. You’re two tents.”
I went to China and said, "I have a big cock," so they thought I said they look like a cock. Then I realized I said it in English.
What should more fun than slapping a baby?
Deez nutz.
Our teacher said for two kids to stare at a wall for no reason, so I said, "Hey wall, that ass flat like a pancake from McDonald's."
Why do people name a kid "Rob?" Because they want him to rob a bank so they could adopt new kids to lock in their basement for a late-night toy.
What do you call a Native American with a boner?
A redwood.