Aed jokes
Your mom is a mom!
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
I would tell you a story of my dad... If I knew who he was.
What’s the difference between a mushroom and a tree?
One's a fucking tree.
There were 20 people in a box. There was not mushroom.
I saw a petition on replacing gravestones with trees so it will be a beautiful forest.
Son: Where's grandma?
What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?
They're both crazy and now dead.
A retired George W. Bush is eating a donut at 7/11 and looks at it. "I'm so happy I did that." A guy overhears the conversation and says, "You're happy you bought that donut? Oh haha, I would be too. I love donuts!" George W. Bush then says, "Oh hahaha, you caught me," and then says, "Oh hahaha, you must have heard me wrong. I said, I'm so happy I did 9/11."
America: I'm going to build a wall.
Nazi: Been there.
Soviet Union: Done that.
What's the difference between you and Hitler? At least he knows how to use an oven.
I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took a dick in the ass.
"You gave me the same sweater as last year."
"You s w e a t e r believe it."
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.
I always hit on 16, then get busted.
SPOILER ALERT...
I was going to tell you a joke about Thanos, but T. S. snapped it away!
I told a joke to an orphan, turns out he wasn't an orphan...
What do you call a guy with a sandwich?
A guy with a sandwich.
Teacher: "You can't be here after school without a parent!"
Orphan: -no response-
What do fire and people have in common?
They will both eventually die out.
How many times does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Tentacles!
So, a guy walked into the store and said to the worker: "Is this free?"
Then the worker said: "Nope, 'cause I'm on sale!"