Aed jokes
I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!
How do you stop a skunk from smelling?
Hold its nose.
Worst joke ever.
What do you call an animal that smells?
A smelly-phant.
That joke is really not funny.
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.
Worst joke ever.
What did the parrot say when it saw a duck?
"Polly want a quacker!"
Worst joke ever.
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
What is a vampire's favorite animal? A giraffe.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
Those two jokes are not funny at all!
This is an a-maze-ing joke!
What do you call a crying dick?
I call it a crying dick.
What's the resemblance between a microwave and human reproduction?
They both make a sound at the end.
So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."
What do you call a prehistoric crow? Crow-Magnon.
As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!
Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “Whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down.” One kid stepped up and slid down. He wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.
The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money. He then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”
Random guy: "Go suck a D*ck!"
Me: Nah, I'd rather suck a 9mm.
Where did the cows go to a date?
To the moo-vies!
He's homeless.
Another: Oh he must be A "Sheer" (as in Andrew Scheer) survivor...
The other: No, he's a Liberal (as in Justin Trudeau) job hopeful.
I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.
What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?
Ereptile Dysfunction!
What do you call a dog that is part pug, part poodle, and part cup?
A muggle! 🤠🤠🤠🤠🥴