Aed jokes
Why would a dead guy lie?
Because he can't stand up.
What did scientists prove when they saw a skeleton on the moon?
The cow didn’t make it.
"Can you tie a knot?"
"I cannot."
"So you can knot?"
"No, I cannot knot."
"Not knot?"
"Who's there?"
"F... off!"
Would you like a piece of Africa?
Would you like to know why? Because it's a dessert/desert.
"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.
"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."
"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.
Grandma pointed to the campfire.
How does a cow do math?
With a cow-culator!
So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!
So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"
Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a "no bell" prize.
I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.
My friend has a dog who looks like cocoa. Her name is Cocoa!
An apple walked into the clinic.
The doctor asked what his favorite color was.
The apple said "red." :)
Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her.
Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.
What do you call two skeletons dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
What do you get when skeletons are dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
What do you get when someone named Victoria falls? A Victoria Falls!
Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
Flip 1134 over on a calculator.
Happy holidays!
Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!